What’s going on everybody? D2 here and I know i’ve been missing for a while on my blogs and there is no excuse for that other than I only write when I’m not looking for something to write about. And with that being said, this idea came to mind the other day when I arrived at work one morning. See what I mean, my inspiration hits me at the weirdest times. But I digress. Soooo… lets get into it shall we.
Has anybody besides me ever wondered why a lot of people always say “sex stops after the honeymoon”? Now I’ve heard mostly men say this and they were deep into their marriages. I’m talking 10 to 15 years deep! Another crazy thing is that these dudes be having three and four kids, yet still manage to spit these words out of their mouth. Now I’ve never technically heard a woman say it to me, mabey because i’m a dude, but i think that there are women out there who feel the same way also. Now most commonly men stop doinga lot of things when they finally “get” the woman and honestly some women stop doing certain things they started doing also. So realistically both parties are at fault.
Now I don’t have any type of degree when it comes to relationships, I’m in my early 30’s, and I’m coming up on my fifth year of marriage, but please believe me when I say that ” sex does NOT stop after the honeymoon”. And in my humble opinion, I think sex should get better and more expressive after the honeymoon rather than before. In fact I bet there are some couples out there well into their 20th or 30th year of marriage still getting their “groove on”, and having fun doing it.
Below are some reasons that I think that sex should not stop, why people (mostly men) say that it does, and a few ways to keep the flame of desire burning after years of marriage.
1) NEVER STOP DATING YOUR SPOUSE.
Now here’s one that everybody and their mamma has heard before. And I must say that this one is very critical and true in a relationship. And I don’t mean necessarily always go out on these expensive and lavish dates. I mean Always try to see your spouse the way you did when you guys first started dating. I think at some point every married couple would like to go back and visit the beginning of their relationship. Because somehow a lot of the little things were easier back then. Like communication was even easier back then. I don’t know of one couple from my generation that didn’t stay up talking on the phone all night, knowing that they had important things to do the next day. And the way we use to hold hands everywhere we went. I wont go deep into the science of what holding hands does to a human being but there is some really powerful feelings beind doing it. And I don’t need to explain the strong emotions behind kissing and hugging. Do I? I didn’t think so. And after all that communicating, holding hands, kissing and hugging has taken place. Then comes all the intimate touching. And this is my personal favorite act of dating my spouse. So to sum up this little nugget of info, “Always dating your spouse” doesn’t mean expensive dates and pricey gifts. A picnic in the park, wine and cheese under the night stars, or even just an unexpected cooked meal and great conversation can end up being a “great date”, Trust me!
2) SEX USUALLY STOPS WHEN ONE PARTY FEELS THAT THEY’RE DOING MORE THAN THEIR SHARE.
One big problem that a lot of couples forget to think about, mainly because their spouse doesn’t or hasn’t talked about or complained about, is their performance in bed. After marriage, sex is suppose to be elevated to another level, and I think that the reason people don’t bring up their couples performance is because they don’t wanna embarace them, or they’re just avoiding an awkward conversation. And to be honest if you can’t talk to your spouse about their performance, then who can you talk to about it. And if you or your spouse feel that the other could be doing more in bed that’s a big problem. Because that can lead to one of y’all not liking it and then the sex stops. And that’s never a good thing. And long periods without sex causes sexual frustration and can lead to problems outside the bedroom. The worst case senario being having a affair with someone and eventually getting a divorce. And the best (least problematic) case would be having petty arguments all the time or something of that nature. Sexual frustration is one of the worst feelings to have in a relationship. Especially when you’ve got your spouse right there beside you. And I don’t wanna bring up all the health benefits of having sex , believe me there are a lot of them, but I will state two important facts that you probably don’t hear about often. Are you ready? For women it’s that sex can improve bladder control. And for men it may make prostate cancer less likely. So you see, you two are helping each other live a healthier life and having fun doing it. So do you and your spouse a favor and make love making a consistent act in your relationship. Your spouse will thank you for it.
3) EXPLORE NEW FANTASIES AND BOUNDARIES WITH YOUR PARTNER.
Now this ones is important because after five to seven years of having sex with the same person can get a bit..ordinary, it might help if you switched things up a bit. And no i’m not talking about using paddles, whips and chains, put those away for really desperate times. I’m simply talking about role playing. I cant tell you how many stories I’ve read where the woman dressed up in something she would never wear outside of the bedroom, like a female super hero, and it drove the man completely nuts about her. Or the man started acting different during sex and the woman would be smiling from ear to ear all day. I mean peoples sex life went from non existent to at least once everyday simply because one of them dressed differently for bed! Role playing can bring out a side of your partner that you never saw. And most people keep this thoughts bottled up inside because they don’t want their partner thinking that they’re crazy or weird. But so what, they married you and you married them what y’all do or discuss in your bedroom is nobody else’s business. It still amazes me that not every couple knows each others secret intimate fantasy. When I read that I literally sat back in my seat and said a little prayer for them. I mean… why wouldn’t you tell your spouse your secret fantasy. So what if they find it strange they should at least be willing to give it a try, even if only to please you. And don’t you be so quick to judge them about their fantasy either. You better be thinking about how you can make it happen or they will seek out someone who will. When I told my wife one of my fantasies she was into it with no hesitation. She didn’t laugh or make me feel weird at all. And that just opened the flood gates for me. And when she told me hers I didn’t think she was weird I immediately started thinking how I could make it happen as soon as possible. And that’s the way I feel that all couples should think. Because if one of you don’t then again, that could lead to some dangerous problems in your marriage. So don’t be afraid to explore new fantasies and boundaries with your partner. They will be glad you did!
Thank you if you’ve read this far. Please feel free to leave me your comments and thoughts in the section below and let me know what you think about this article and anything it discussed. I will see you next time.